Happy Birthday, Mikey

Today would have been Mike Rinder’s 70th birthday. And even though it’s been 95 days since he passed away, it still feels like it happened just yesterday. My heartbreak has only deepened as I miss him in my life.

I always told Mike how much he meant to me, but as I was traveling to Florida to see him for what ended up being the last time, I sent this note to him.

I’m posting this note because I want to keep Mike’s memory alive and for people to understand what an incredible man he was, far beyond the amazing work he did to combat Scientology.

Dear Mikey,

I’ve been sitting here trying to find the words, but how do I express something so enormous? My therapist asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to you, and the answer is yes—there’s so much I always wanted to say. Yet, even as I try, it’s hard to put my feelings into words because saying it out loud feels too much like goodbye. And I am not ready to say goodbye.

Mike you mean everything to me. I can’t even begin to describe the place you hold in my heart. The other day, my mother said, “Mike is like a father to you, isn’t he?” At first, I didn’t know how to respond because we’re close in age, lol , But when I really thought about it, I realized she was right. You’ve been the father I never had, the one man I could look up to, trust without question, and know would always be there for me. You are there for me in ways, no man has ever been, you have been my strength and you truly are my hero, and I never realized how I worked to make you proud of me, something I never achieved with my father.

You’ve also been so much more. You’ve been my brother, my protector, my safe harbor in life’s storms. You’ve been my friend in ways I didn’t even know were possible. The kind of friend who loves unconditionally, who stands by me no matter what, who lifts me up even when I can’t see a way forward.

Without you by my side, I couldn’t do any of it.

Mike, you saved my life. Truly, you did. You were the first person I turned to when I thought about leaving Scientology, and without you, I don’t think I ever could have done it. You gave me courage when I had none. You gave me hope when I felt lost. You gave me strength when I was at my weakest. You didn’t just save me, you saved my family. And you saved my Sofia from a life of torture and abuse.

You’ve helped so many people, many of whom you’ll never even know. Your kindness, your wisdom, your strength , your humor, your Australian-ness, your heart-you’ve changed the world for the better, and you have changed me forever.

I can’t imagine my world without you in it, without you to lean on, to call, to annoy the shit out of you with my stupid questions about how to take the evil that is Scientology out of the world… The thought of losing you shatters me in ways I can’t even begin to describe.

A piece of my heart will break, and it will never fully heal. Never.

There is no one like you, Mike. No one who could ever fill the space you have in my life and in my heart.

I never knew a man like you before, and I know I never will again. You are one of a kind, and the bond we share is something I’ll carry with me forever. I don’t have the words to tell you how much I love you, but please know it’s a love that is as deep as it is enduring.

You are my rock, my guide, my friend, my family.

I love you, my Mikey and I always will.

Your friend always

Leah